A Mother’s Blink

August 14, 2014, I woke up to my 2-year-old son smiling at my face, and I had this strange feeling coming over me. This HUGE, wonderful, magnificent overwhelming feeling of gratitude, and love of motherhood.

I started to think about him and my then soon-to-be 8-year-old daughter, and I started to write this piece in my journal, titled “A Mother’s Blink”.
I waited to share and complete this today for my daughter’s birthday, and it is a coincidence that this weeks Tuesday at Ten prompt word is time, because that’s exactly what this is piece is about. About the fact that time goes by fast for our little ones, and it’s all done within a mother’s blink….

I was holding the positive pregnancy test in my hand…


Then I blinked (a mother’s blink)

Now, I’m nursing a 7lb 9oz baby girl while counting her perfect 10 fingers and 10 toes.

I blink (a mother’s blink)

She crawled! That little army crawl of hers, with her tongue sticking out, dragging her chubby little legs to the floor, and it took 9 months for her to figure that all out

But then, I blinked (a mother’s blink)

Now she smiles with those baby teeth showing, dancing around to the theme song of Mickey Mouse Club House on the Disney channel, “Come inside, it’s fun inside”, she sang. I laugh, smile and…….

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Blink (a mother’s blink)

She’s handing me crafts she made in preschool, of her letters, shapes, and colors. It’s messy of course, but I tell her it’s beautiful, because it’s art only a mother could love.

Now, my eye lids flutter, less than a second. (a mother’s blink)

The car seat’s gone, replaced by a booster seat, and the “big girl” bed has replaced the baby crib/toddler bed. This sign of growth, let’s this mommy know, my girl won’t stay small forever.

Oh, my darling McKenzie, I blink, (that mother’s blink)

And you’re going into your kindergarten class, with your over sized Hello Kitty pink backpack, telling me to put the camera away.

Camera’s down, and I blink (a mother’s blink)

I’m smiling, because she’s holding her newborn brother. Wow, she’s a big sister, with a big heart. She adjusts very easily into her new role, at 5 years old and…..

Brother and Sister

Of course I blink, (the mother’s blink)

And I’m homeschooling McKenzie, yet she’s teaching me. She’s teaching me patience, love, and fractions. lol Yes, fractions, and I’m glad that I can laugh about that today. She’s loosing “baby teeth”, and dreaming of the Tooth Fairy.

Oh, but I get it now, if I blink she grows, she stretches her little wings more, and more, ready to take flight.
If I blink, that mother’s blink, she’ll be running out the door with car keys in hand, and a quick wave of goodbye.

So, now I’m holding my eyes open, afraid to blink, afraid the years will go by like seconds.
Yes, I’m trying to keep them open, and it’s humanly impossible, for this momma not to blink, and humanly impossible for her not to grow.

So I do what I must. I blink, but this time it’s to blink away tears. Tears of realizations. Realizing that letting go is hard, realizing she must grow, realizing that I don’t have control over time, and realizing that it all happens….
In the blink of an eye, a mother’s blink.

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Today is my McKenzie’s 8th birthday. She is my helper, little friend, daughter of God, my sweet precious gift from above, my dark-haired beauty, born on a Saturday morning in 2006, you make this mother’s heart sing thanksgiving to an awesome Creator. This is for you, on your special day. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

 

 

Gossip: The Trust Breaker

This post is part of a Five Minute Friday linkup.  A one-word prompt is given and we write, freely, for five minutes, then post. This week’s prompt: TELL

We sat there laughing and talking enjoying us a hot cup of coffee.

Bonding over motherhood, and marriage.

We’re still in the stages of learning each other. Right now the friendship is fresh, easy and fun.

Then she starts telling me about her friends. The one of  that has a cheating husband, the one that is promiscuous, and the other that uses her credit card more than she should.

Yet, in her telling me about her friends,  I am getting to know her.

I know I can’t trust her. I know that I can’t confide the deepest parts of my heart to her, and that’s a sad fact because I really like her.

She’s witty, carefree and I see glimpses of a powerful God at work in her, but yet at this stage, at this point she can’t be trusted with my heart, with my secrets, with the conversations that make friendships stand strong.

She’s a gossip. A secret teller. A loose lips kinda gal.

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She tells the secrets that aren’t hers to tell, and spreads them like wildfire, causing pain and destruction to the ones being betrayed. 

I wish I can say that I’ve always been the woman who I am today, the woman who sits and sips her coffee with a tight lip and open heart, but I wasn’t. I use to love nothing more than a good story to gossip about. I took pleasure in knowing a secret, and even more pleasure in telling it to unapproved ears.

It’s the “telling” that breaks down the threads of  love and honor in the fabric of bonds formed in friendships, and womanhood.

It’s the telling that leaves unfinished puzzles of trust in the relationships.

Proverbs 11:13 says,A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” (NIV) {stop}

 Reflections:  If you want to be a woman who builds up, that guards the heart of her friends, and a person of honor, then stop gossiping. I still need this as a  reminder because I’m human, and this use to be an area of true weakness for me. Gossip has become the approved sin. The lie, is that it’s not gossip if it’s on the cover of a magazine, or if the person is famous. Don’t be deceived. Gossip hurts deep, and more importantly God tells us not to.

 

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Link up here at Kate Motaug

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In the Interim of Empty

This post is part of a Five Minute Friday linkup.  A one-word prompt is given and we write, freely, for five minutes, then post. This week’s prompt: FILL

Filled, as soon as I read the prompt word, I am reminded of how empty I have been feeling lately.

Next, my thoughts immediately turn to the ending lyrics of a song by Hillsong called “Desert Song”. It says,

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow.

I know I’m filled to be emptied again

The seed I received I will sow.

It’s a song about seasons. The seasons of refinement, yet still finding reasons to praise God and declare His victory.

The lyrics at the end reminds me that the seasons change. There is a season of being filled, but only to be emptied again.

Tonight I want to dedicate the last few minutes of my 5 to discuss what happens during the season of pouring. Yes, pouring out our hearts into others.

See, we love the feeling of overflowing in favor and we often remember the goodness of the events that happen in that time, and we know what it feels like to be in the pit of emptiness, and we often know the hard circumstances in that season.

But what happens in the interim. How do we go from full to empty? Well, it doesn’t just happen overnight, well at least not for me. No it happens in the day-to-day service for His glory, the defeats of this world, yet the victories of His sweet conquers of our hearts.

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Pour by pour, my cup is getting low. It starts with the phone call of a dear friend receiving news that her dreams of child-bearing are being stripped from her body. You cover her in confident prayers, pouring out what He poured into you. You later weep for her in the privacy of your bedroom, you’ve taken on her desperation, yes your cup is getting low.

Sprinkle by sprinkle, it’s the smile of encouragement that you offer to a stranger that is desperately seeking some light in this world. You are on an appointment from God to tell them He is the Sun they seek, the One that brings light to the dark days. Next, you hear their burden story. Your heart breaks for them, because it breaks God’s heart too, yet He sent you to offer the hope of restoration. Now, my cup is getting lower.

Drip by drip, it’s the combat of negative family and friends. Fighting to stay positive just to be met by pessimistic outlooks. You share your dreams and desires, to give hope that they can come true. In return, you are only told of the obstacles rather than the finish line of success that keeps one motivated. Now, my cup is close to empty.

Now I’m coming to the end of my post, and to the end of my full. I’m feeling empty. Now it’s time to dive into the solitude of deep prayers with my Abba. I am safe there. I am secure there. I am at peace there. I’m being filled there.

Yes filled, only to pour Him out sprinkle by sprinkle, drip by drip, pour by pour into others, so that they may be filled with the Hope, Love that keeps me sustain.Signature

Link up here at Kate Motaug

#FMFParty

 

 

 

 

 

Bloom Like the Wildflowers…

This post is part of a Five Minute Friday linkup. A one-word prompt is given and we write, freely, for five minutes, then post. This week’s prompt: Bloom. 

My very first 5 minute Friday, and I am crazy excited….5 minutes starts now..LET’S GO!

I very recently went to visit my small hometown in Virginia for 2 weeks. It’s where I grew up, and I spent lots of days just driving around, taking in the beauty of rustic things, farmers equipment, open fields, dirt roads and old wooden buildings.

But among those things there were these little beauties uncontrollably growing, directing it’s attention to the sun, set apart, yet gathered with the weeds, blowing in the winds of peace, casting the beauty of it’s bloom…they were WILDFLOWERS. Where did they come from? No one planted them, no one watered them, no pruning, without care…yet they bloom wild, and free….

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Daugthers of the King, open up and bloom like the wildflowers…

Rise and grow from among the weeds, in the miracles of the Creator.

Point the petals of your hearts toward the Son (sun) of Glory.

Receive the rains of grace in the dry fields.

Be refreshed by the Living Water.

Be noticed as a reflection of His works.

Bloom like the wildflowers…

Grow in the words of the Father

When the summer storms come, with strong winds

Sway and bind under the freedom in His presence

You can not be uprooted, where He has planted you.

Your beauty is captivating, and the secrets of your seeds are from the Planter.

Bloom, you radiant daughters of the Mighty King

Open and bloom like the wildflowers…..

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Link up here Lisa Jo Baker

Please, if you copy and use these photos, give credit to me at Sowing Seeds in Them 🙂

 PICTURES THAT I TOOK OF WILDFLOWERS, WHILE I WAS IN VIRGINIA

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A Daughter’s Trust in A Crazy Momma

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve homeschooled my daughter for the past 2 years. She will be going back to public school in the fall, and I’ve been soaking up more opportunities this summer in spending time with her. Quality time, without electronics, limiting time with her “friends”, lazy days at the pool, taking nature walks, and having some really in-depth talks. (Oh and UNO, because nothing says quality time like a few good competitive games of UNO.)

Playing UNO with my daughter.

Playing UNO with my daughter.

Yesterday evening, we went on a spontaneous hike after a few thunderstorms we had, and it soon turned into a memorable adventure.  Because we didn’t plan to go hiking, we weren’t prepared with the essentials. We both had on flip flops, no water, no sunscreen or bug repellent, just hearts searching for fun and excitement. Usually my daughter is very apprehensive, but for some reason yesterday, she wanted to keep up with her crazy momma. (me). So we headed down this wet slippery cliff, to get a better view of the sunset and beautiful skies.

Our sunset view

Our sunset view

All of a sudden as I’m helping her down, with one hand holding hers, and the other to a weak branch, she says, “Oh, I have to pee!!!” “I have to pee really really bad.” Well, being a country girl came in handy, because I told her we must make it down this cliff, and then she can go in the woods.

We make it down half tumble/half walk. She does her business, and I’m taking in the beauty of the sunset, and nature…just taking in the awesomeness of God through His creations. She threw rocks, and we both search for things to take pictures of, and she starts to eat a leaf. (don’t worry it’s an edible leaf, she learned about last year from the local rangers).

We were like Thelma and Louise, her and I. It felt great, and I love spending time with her like this.

Soon it starts to get dark and we see a pair of abandon blue plastic gloves down the slope and a little trash, and it appears someone may have been there. Of course our minds race with mystery and fear, so the adrenaline kicks in and we start making our way up a slippery cliff.

Now, that was a challenge, but you know what, we had to work together to make it up there safely.

She had to listen very carefully, because one wrong move would have had us both falling back. She was very anxious, but I saw something in her, I saw determination with a calm exterior. At one point I had to leave from behind her, while she’s holding on to a branch. (I needed to get in front so I could pull her up). This is where it really “hit” me. Why she was able to stay calm, and even allowed me to leave her hanging to a branch, so I could pull her up.

 She TRUSTED me.

She trusted my words, and her actions yield to my instructions. It’s not easy building someones trust, and I’ve spent 7.5 years building it with her. See, I’ve been having a little anxiety over sending my daughter back to school. Anxiety because I can’t control the evil she may be exposed to, anxiety that she may not make the right decisions, and anxiety that she will gravitate to teachings and ideologies that are a contradiction to the word of God.

I believe the Lord used this whole adventure to teach me few things about my daughter,

1.She trusts what I say. Even if it doesn’t feel like she does. Sometimes as parents we think they aren’t listening, but they are and they are also watching. It’s not easy building a foundation set on Christ, and sometimes I wonder if I’m saying or doing the right thing. I love that God set my heart and mind at ease, and gave me a small glimpse of how very much my daughter does in fact trust my words.

2.Her passion will come from Him. As I mention before, my daughter is very apprehensive when trying something that she deems as dangerous and I view as an adventure. I always feel like I’m forcing her to just try new things, and have some passion. Yesterday, she was a different girl. She just threw all caution to the wind, and did “it”. I really just want her so badly to have a passion for God. Not religion and to be this perfect little girl, that says all the right things. No, I want her to be authentic, compassionate, yet unwavering and firm in her knowledge of what the Bible says. So I learn that passion is not something I can teach, either she will have that “spark” and go forth declaring the good news with fire and light or she won’t, and I can’t control that, no one can, but God.

3.I entrust God, with my daughter’s heart. Yet again I learn this lesson. Yes he has given me my daughter to mold and help shape her heart, but ultimately He is in control, and has authority in the heart of my daughter. I have to trust Him, to protect and shield her when she’s not within my sites.

I love that the Lord give us teachable moments, when we least expect it, that He takes delight in spending time with my heart, shaping it, molding it, crafting it all to display His glory.

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PICTURES FROM OUR HIKE

Cobweb we saw

Cobweb we saw

Snail

Snail

Leaf

Leaf

I’m Back….

Hey y’all!!

I know I’ve been gone and it must seemed like I just dropped and fell off the planet. I was supposed to post the 3 day series on friendship almost a month ago, but life happened and I took a much-needed visit to my hometown in Virginia.

I updated my Facebook page on the first day I was back and this is what I wrote.

“I’m backkkkk in Charlotte!!! I have very mixed emotions. I feel different, weird, out-of-place, yet at home, refreshed and…..okay. I’m okay. Okay is the only word I can think of here. I left the country, and you may not believe me, but my family is a witness, I started driving slow, even below the speed limit. Life was slow, easy, life was simple and good. I wasn’t in a hurry to zoom pass the tractor. I got one mile into the city, and BAM! traffic, a car coming off an exit races me to get in front, I back out of a store parking lot and the person rushes to blow pass me, so I can’t get in front. I tell this comparison in saying, this is the stuff that hardens you in this city. NO ONE GIVES A DANG, IF IT DOESN’T BENEFIT THEM IN SOME WAY. It’s this self-centered attitude. The rush to get to nowhere in a hurry, and if someone is driving slow, it’s sure as heck ain’t because they like the slow life. It’s because they are texting, talking on the phone or just so mentally wrapped up in thoughts, they don’t notice or know a small smile, wave and a “hey y’all” is good for the soul. I feel suffocated, yet excited to breath and take in life. I’m excited about working in my yard, time to trim the hedges, put down mulch and watch my hydrangeas bloom. I missed my friends here, yet I don’t know what to talk to them about. (I can’t explain my experience home). It’s this love that hits pass the surface, into something deeper. It’s not suppose to be put into words, it’s suppose to be experienced. I’m eager to do my yearly cannon ball in the neighborhood pool, yet ready to run into the woods at grandma’s house. I know I’ll adjust back, and before you know it, my car will be hitting 80 mph. At that point, I’ll know that I harden just a little bit from this city. Now and then I like to give a peek into my heart and deepest thoughts, here’s your peek.”

SoCogirl2

That was how I felt on day 1 of being back, and things have gotten much better.

We had VBS (vacation bible school) at church and I was able to find so much joy in leading a small group of 8-9 year olds for the week. Every so often,  a child comes along and you see that “spark” and passion of really knowing and having depth into who Jesus is to them. I had the pleasure of witnessing one girl, whole heartedly commit to a life with Christ and asked to be baptized.

So, it’s not that I don’t like Charlotte because I do, but I’m a country girl at heart, I like open fields, wild flowers, non perfect lawns, corn fields, a view of the clouds in the sky without having to peEk over a building, I love the cool southern breeze sitting on the porch. I like being close to family and ole friends, long story short, I liked that feeling of DEEP LOVE.

Anyways, I am inspired by my visit, and motivated to share with all of you. God really drew me into Him and I feel refresh.

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That Unforgivable Sin, Finding Purpose in My Story

Purpose

Some of us carry that ugly, dark “unforgivable sin”. You know the “one”, that if your Christian friends knew, they would turn there backs in rejection. That sin, that you are afraid to reveal to your enemies, because they will mock you, and laugh at your hypocrisy. Yes, that sin that causes you anxiety at night, because only if you can keep it hidden, you can pretend that it never happened.

I lived like that for years, until one day, while pregnant with my son, the Lord woke me up in the late night hours and gave me clear instructions on how to handle “my secret”.

His guiding light, and loving still voice spoke to the depths of my heart, and He said, “Tell them”. “Tell them, what you did, my beloved, and be set free from the lies of satan.” “I will give you peace, I have restored you for a purpose.”

A couple of days later, I wobbled my pregnant self right into the doors of a friend’s home, for a women’s bible study that I had been attending.

Before we started, I stood in her open kitchen, before 10-12  women and poured out my heart.

I told them of what I had done in the past, and how God told me to tell them, so that I could be set free from the whispers of satan over this area in my life.

Something happened, after I looked those women in the eyes with my truth. I saw forgiveness, compassion, understanding and most importantly, I was being set free from bondage.

I drove home that night, with the chains of shame left at the feet of Jesus. I felt an overwhelming gratefulness, and I cried in gratitude for the forgiveness of God, for Him providing a loving outlet in a community of once broken women, and for giving me an avenue to shut out the voices of the enemy.

I felt ALIVE again, like the first time I accepted the salvation of Christ in my younger years. Before the “backsliding”, before the path of destruction and before that “sin”.

Because of my broken past, and my freedom in the mystery of His grace and relentless love, I am set free to walk in the purpose of my Creator. I am able to reach out to other women, and show them the depths of compassion, and truth found in a heavenly Father that will pursue and heal the broke insides of our fractured hearts.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

My purpose is to imperfectly display the love and glory of a perfect God, through reaching out to people that I cross paths with in my journey on this earth.

To the stranger I smiled to, at the grocery store, that needed a compassionate listener, so that he could tell about his anxiety over a job loss and the burdens of providing for his family.

To the little girl I met in my daughter’s past kindergarten class, that needed life spoken to her, for someone to tell her, she is important, and that her “bad’ actions that she uses as a cry for attention, can be met by Jesus even when she’s alone at home

Or to the lonely sweet old lady that needed someone to be interested in her day, so she can later go and thank God for sending someone in the form of a stranger, that cared about the little parts of her day in the garden.

Or the bitter complainer on Facebook that needs to know she is worthy of grace, and needed to see a message of encouragement in her inbox.

These people needed love, compassion, and understanding. They needed Jesus, and the Lord used me, a person once a slave to her sins, to teach them the truth, in His unending grace so that they may be converted to Him.

Psalm 51:12-17 tells my story

“Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners shall be converted to You.

Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, The God of my salvation, And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness. 

O Lord, open my lips, And my mouth shall show forth Your praise. For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offerings. 

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and contrite heart- These, O God, You will not despise.

 

REFLECTIONS: Looking back, God had already forgiven me, when I had asked for it years before, but similar to most people, after the act of sin, we have a hard time forgiving ourselves. We sometimes walk in a false shame and carry the weight of our transgressions, when we don’t have to. Victory is ours and the sting of death was taken from us on that cross, and oh the precious blood of our Jesus poured out for us and made a way.

He has restored me for a purpose, to be used to help others know Him.

See satan likes to take our dirty little secrets, the ones that we’re afraid for people to know, and uses those to hold us in darkness. To stop us from the purpose God created us for. Don’t give the enemy a voice, bring your sin into the light of a radiant Jesus.

“I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces were not ashamed.”

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